This is on repeat now. I want… no, I NEED this album.

How many times
Can I push it aside
Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most
So they leave me alone
Move on with my life
Be certain the steps of left and right don’t fight the direction of upright

I’d rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can’t change now
If I become what I can’t accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it

It’s time to decide
Which is out of my mind
Cause it’ll be me unless I put some thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind
I’ll watch the glint in my eye
Shine off the spring in my step
And could be blinding depending on the amount of you that I reflect

Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could’ve done better but what good do what ifs do
Oh oh
Oh oh
There’s something I should tell you now

Thanks Thiessen for the lyrics. Now, sing along!

Woo! Looking good Joe Don! Can’t wait to see these guys in Philly come September.

Now I can die happy. Well, no, but this sort of thing generally makes me REALLY happy. Andrew McMahon and his band Jack’s Mannequin have playing my favorite ever song of Andrew’s old back, Something Corporate. The song is a b-sides, bonus track off the “North” album, called “Watch The Sky”. It sounds just as amazing as I imagined it to be.

My new ambition is to watch Jack’s Mannequin in concert (this is not the new part) AND have them play that song when I do. Wish me luck on that.

On May 2nd, 2009, I downloaded the pilot to One Tree Hill. I’ve been avoiding that show since 2003. It took me 6 years to agree to give it a go because a new friend of the amazing sort told me I absolutely must watch it, all 6 seasons of it. So I did.
Today, June 14th, 2009, a month and a half after starting - I finished up 6 seasons and 130 episdes of 40 minutes each. That’s 5200 minutes, and nearly 87 hours, spread over 44 days. Clearly I need a life.

The reason I spent so much time on One Tree Hill at this trying time in my life is because I am lost. And when I am lost, I love to seek escapism in a world I can believe in, and One Tree Hill gave me just that. Great characters to relate to (some more than others), a wacky plot to be absorbed in (that bears resemblance to the good ol’ telenovellas I used to waste my days watching to escape from real life) and some pretty awesome music.
Whenever I didn’t want to think about life and everything I need to get done, the mistakes I made and couldn’t fix that hang like an ominous cloud over my head and the things I need to do in order to be a happy person, but am just too afraid to do, I escaped to Tree Hill.
I cheered as Nathan, Lucas and Skills brought the State Championship for the Ravens, I fell in love with Naley - Nathan & Haley - that despite being two very stupid naive kids, have beat the odds and fought for their happy ending (it doesn’t get better than James Lucas Scott for a son), I sang along to the many different bands Peyton put on stage at Tric.

Now it’s time to handle the real world. Sucks but it’s true. So thank you to the cast and crew of OTH for 6 kick-ass, entertaining seasons. Here’s to hoping season 7 is a good one, even without Lucas and Peyton.

PS: Please bring back Chris Keller. Thank you.

The internet version of the music video for “Swim” from Jack’s Mannequin. A TV version shot recently should be up soon. This is still amazing. Paper planes FTW!

That is one amazing movie. Go see.

So, Robert Langdon wants entrance to the Vatican Archives so he can save the world — I mean, Vatican City — from being exploded to smithereens by anti-matter. He seeks permission from the Camerlengo, Patrick McKenna. They have the following conversation:

McKenna: Do you believe in God, sir?
Langdon: Father, I simply believe that religion…
McKenna: I did not ask if you believe what man says about God, I asked if you believe in God.
Langdon: I’m an academic. My mind tells me I will never understand God.
McKenna: And your heart?
Langdon: Tells me I’m not meant to. Faith is a gift that I have yet to receive.

I’m with Langdon, all the way. In a strange, funny way, this describes the very essence of my own personal conflict. My mind tells me I will never understand God, my heart tells me I’m not meant to, and the two are having a fierce battle which ends with the feeling of wanting to believe, wanting to understand, but being unable to.
Langdon speaks those words with tears in his eyes. Me, I’m just breathless.

Here’s a shocker. It’s finally official. My former commander, a woman I look up to, respect and admire, Brigadier General Yehudit Grisaro, is being released from the army.
I hoped she’d go further. I hoped she’d take a more meaningful Brigadier General position. I hoped that would lead her to the coveted General rank. Alas, not all is as you hoped it would be.

She was in the paper today, along with an article about how nobody wants the job. A bit sad, really, but it’s mostly what I’ve been saying all along - The Advisor to the Chief of Staff on Women’s Issues should be more than just an advisor. She should have the authority to make an actual difference instead of recommendations all the time.

Who wants to be Yohalan?

This was enlightening, can’t say it wasn’t. I went to the employment exchange today. My primary goal was to see if I deserve any kind of unemployment compensation but it was not met, I still don’t know my rights.

I woke up at 9am. I figured it’s best to get there early because I’m going to burn my day away there anyway. By 10am I was there (after the usual unpleasant ride on bus no.63 that was jam packed and offered little breathing space… and how we all laughed when we saw another 63 bus half empty zoom past us as we suffocated inside. Fun times). It took a while to find how to get to the 2nd floor where the employment exchange was. I had to go past a pretty ridiculous set of security and the elevator button told me which of the many elevators would take me to my floor. It wasn’t up to me to choose, it was all the elevator’s decision…..
When I got there the guard at the entrance took my ID, asked if I had an academic degree and when I said “no”, he looked at me disrespectfully and for a moment there I thought I left the borders of Israel and landed accidently at a country in which by the age of 21 not having a degree is a big deal. But a close inspection assured me I was still in Israel and that dude was too old to remember that in this country, the army takes away our youth and that our life only begins at 21.
The guard told me to go to table 28. I went there and wrote my name on the paper next to it, it was no.66 on the list and I wondered where in the list was the name of the woman that was sitting by the desk at the moment. Assuming the worst, I went to sit down and took out my book. While waiting it turned out there were only 3-4 people in front of me so my turn was soon after.
The guy at the desk could not give a fuck what I had to say. He told me it’s social security that needs to tell me if I can go on the dole and proceeded to launch into job finding even though I never asked him to. He entered my details into the system despite the fact I never approved of such action and without asking what kind of job I’d be fit for, or in what area I can work - he printed out 3 job options and then acted as if he was doing me a favor he was offering them to me. His complex of superiority annoyed the fucking hell out of me and I started feeling my anger bubble. I accused that he never heard what I want or need and he proceeded trying to humiliate me. The deal was that if I am even eligible for the dole, I will get it only assuming I go to the employment exchange every week on the day and time of THEIR choosing and go to all the job interviews they send me. I’m not allowed to refuse any work because that would disqualify me of the dole, and I will only get it assuming none of the employers hire me.
To me this all seemed like a whole load of annoyance I didn’t want or need. My job would be to go to the employment exchange every week and sucking at job interviews wherever they send me. I’d rather find an actual job, thanks.
I told the pompous piece of crap that thanks, but no thanks. Not interested. I asked him to delete me from his computer but he claimed he can’t. Government facilities, go figure. I asked him what it meant for me, if this shit will mean I can’t go on the dole but he get twisting around it not giving me a direct answer. Thanks, asshole.

I left annoyed. I called Maya who told me she’s working at the Azrielly buildings right near where I was so I met up with her for 10 minutes. I bought a watermelon and melon juice and we just wandered around the mall to calm me down.
Maya then went back to work and I stopped by a travelling agency I walked passed and got a good flight offer for my US trip. $888, flying with the Czech national airlines and with a stop in Prague. Sucks that it’s not a direct flight but it’s better than a direct El-Al flight for $1020, surely.
When I got back to Givatayim, I made my friend Efrat leave her w0rk too at a Givatayim religious primary school and walk around with me for a while and just talk. Seeing both Efrat and Maya helped me immensely in the calming-down department.

Now I need to find a job. One that won’t be too horrible, and one that will actually have me for 3 months. Not an easy task… if only the damn cinema took me things would be a heck of a lot more simple. Will have to go around the mall tomorrow and see if I can find something in the area… Dammit.

Still can’t believe I was there. Can’t wait for this DVD.
Radio:Active Live At Wembley DVD - Lies Live

My aunt Vicky asked me to watch over her kids for half an hour tonight as she went to buy some stuff. Normally I would not agree to such nonesense but I needed to get out of the house, so I did.

At first, my little cousin Roey (3 years old) started crying that he wanted his mother. So I sat him down at the table and we ate pretzels. I made it into a game for him and his sister, Ronni (6 years old), and we had fun with the pretzels, making them out as teeth, as a moustache, as cigarettes. All kinds of stuff. They loved it. They also loved me taking pictures of them, so they can see themselves doing all these crazy stuff!

After that, we also had a fierce towel battle. Everyone took part. Ronni and me were on “the same side” while Rotem and Roey were supposedly on the same side, but Roey doesn’t get the meaning of that so he ended up hitting Rotem as well! Short video of Ronni and Roey duke it out.

Roey is also convinced he’s a little lion. He kept growling at me and attempting to roar (but being unsuccessful) and kept pawing at me and leaping on me and commanding me to fall to the floor so he can come out victorious. He also kept locking me up in an invisible prison. Don’t get his obsession with that. Oh well. Ronni and I agreed he’s a bit crazy!

All in all it was alright. We had some fun, the kids beat the crap out of me like they enjoy doing and Vicky fed me when she came home (a double burger in a bum with some toamtos. Good stuff) and made an effort to have a conversation with me. Which was nice. Oh yeah, I also got chocolate. Win.